What do superstar ice-skater Michelle Kwan and beginner gymnast Lauren Smith have in common? Good guess if you think they're both from southern California. Most importantly they both have a passion for their sport. Every hour committed to spending time in the gym or the skating arena is a result of a variety of personal reasons, as well as total support from parents and coaches. Without a doubt both Michelle and Lauren will endure some tearful and troubling practices, but on balance they, like most girls, will stick with sports when they feel good about themselves.

     You can help the girls in your life have a tremendous sports experience when you know what's on their minds, what's important to them. Here's are some significant concerns as reported in a study by the Youth Sports Institute at Michigan State University, by girls from ages ten to eighteen.

#1 - GIRLS WANT TO HAVE FUN

     This is the big one. The main goal of parenting and coaching in youth sports should be to create an atmosphere where girls can have fun doing physical skills. It's fun for girls to be active, a total shift away from academics where they're confined to a chair and required to succeed. Beside experiencing the total joy of movement, true pleasure comes from the challenge and mastering of a new skill.

     Be a savvy consumer as you evaluate the philosophy of various recreation programs. Make sure the focus is on player development instead of the win loss record. In this way, your daughter will want to return to practice because she can look forward to succeeding on her level, and on her terms. If only we could allow this one concept to be our guiding light, I guarantee we would see the sunny side of our girls more often.

#2 - GIRLS WANT TO GET EXERCISE AND STAY IN SHAPE

     Playing sports certainly beats exercise for a fun way to stay in shape, in particular during the teen years. Sports has a couple of benefits all girls can understand–the development of shapely muscles and of self-confidence.

     A young teen I know talked about how she was able to handle an emergency by knowing that she was in good shape. One day a man followed her in a car as she was walking home. Because she was in good shape she knew she could run if she had to get away. Her comments? "What would I do if I was overweight? know I can handle myself because I'm used to handling my body." This single event demonstrated to her the depth of her own self-confidence.

     Body image is a huge issue for girls as they mature because it determines their self worth. Sports helps girls get used to and appreciate the body shape they've inherited. It makes them realize that their self image isn't all about weight. Eventually girls learn that building muscles means building a new and improved shape.

#3 - GIRLS WANT TO LEARN AND IMPROVE SKILLS

     Most girls want to get better at sports when they see skillful players fully living the experience. They want to copy them, to experience the fun gained by being competent. If an activity looks appealing, your daughter will want to try it. If she believes she can learn sports skills, (which stems from having a broad base of fundamental movement skills), she will want to improve sport skills. Having skills makes playing a sport easier and more enjoyable. I think my friends' thirteen-year-old daughter Jennifer says it best: "I worked on my skills all season, and at the last softball game I hit a double. It felt so good when I made it, I almost started dancing on second base."

#4 - GIRLS WANT TO DO SOMETHING THEY'RE GOOD AT DOING

     We all feel best about ourselves when we're doing something we're good at. It's just part of parenting that you help your daughter explore her athletic potential. This means that starting around age 5 or 6, you should introduce your daughter to as many sports as you can over the next several years. Having a broad based sports background will serve her well. And eventually she will not only find something she enjoys, but find something that really makes her tick.

     My parents didn't suggest that I try gymnastics, (the sport that made me tick), but fortunately the school district did. It was offered as part of the physical education curriculum. When school boards and administrators commit to a PE program, there can be significant impact. This is especially true for families who cannot afford even local recreation classes.

#5 - GIRLS WANT THE EXCITEMENT AND CHALLENGE OF COMPETITION

     Every morning when I teach my preschool gymnastics class, I am reminded that the competitive spirit starts very early, and without much provocation. It seems that the excitement of "me against the world" or "I won" is already part of early childhood motivation. Some girls like individual sports where they compete against themselves, and some like to be on a team that gives  another squad a run for their money.

     As an athlete, the first time I really understood that competition could be exciting was when I had enough skills to be a challenger. There is definitely no thrill to entering competition when you have don't have enough preparation. As my skill base grew, the excitement grew while progressing from beginner to advanced levels of competition. Every time I competed against higher level athletes, I had an awakening and it made me step up my training physically and mentally.

#6 - SPOTLIGHT MAKING NEW FRIENDS

     Advancing grade levels year after year in school can provide new friendships, but girls don't have the same interaction with their classmates as they do with their teammates. They look forward to meeting other girls who have similar interests and energy, to interact with and get to know them. As one 17-year-old athlete said, "Being in sports is more like the real world than school. You really have to deal with people and can find out more about their personalities, what other people value."

     Here are some final thoughts from the mother of a long time softball player.

     I continue to organize and coach in the community even though my daughter no longer plays because I've seen the carryover to other areas of her life. She's learned how to learn, to work with other people, to be a leader and be able to speak her mind. I like that as a parent. You can see that something has changed her.

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