P A R E N T S & T E E N S
Helping Parents Connect With Their Teens!
www.beyoncesource.com
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May 1, 2003
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A weekly e-zine for parents of teenagers
from
the folks at Parents & Teens website at:
http://www.beyoncesource.com
Do you know other parents who would enjoy Parents & Teens?
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I N T H I S I S S U E
Honor our Soldiers
Parenting in the Singular Column
Book-of-the-Month
Teen-Friendly Recipes
Homebodies Column
From Our Readers
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Hello everybody and welcome to Parents
& Teens!
This is the last week of the "Tell-A-Friend"
contest
so be sure to enter today! The winner will be announced
next week and a new contest will begin.
Remember to check out our Book-of-the-Month
for May.
"The Hand That Rocks the Cradle Rules" is our latest
ebook written to help you recognize the spiritual power
of motherhood. You can purchase at the pre-sale price
of just $2.95 by using our special order form at:
https://www.pcpublications.org/pt/specialbookorder.html
We've got a great issue for you this week so enjoy!
Happy Parenting!
Patti
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HONOR OUR SOLDIERS
Below is a list of soldiers whose
names were sent in by Parents &
Teens readers. Please keep them in your prayers.
~ Adam King
~ Pvt. Ryan Essig
~ Lt. Jordan Berry
~ Bobby Cosper
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PARENTING IN THE SINGULAR COLUMN
Help for Single Parents
By Marylou Morano Kjelle
My children were far from teenagers
when I became a single mother.
My daughter was six and my son had just turned one year old. While
I
was married, problems with my spouse, working a full time job and
dealing with a sick child eroded what little confidence I once had
in
my mothering. I hardly felt up to the task of being a married mother,
and now I was being called to mother on my own. You can bet I had
some serious discussions with God at the time.
Fortunately, I had been seeing a Christian counselor who was helping
me deal with my divorce and its repercussions. It wasn't long before
the emphasis of my counseling turned away from the subject of my
divorce and towards setting goals for being a good single mother.
"I
don't even know how to be mother," I remember wailing. "How
am I
ever going to be a single mother?"
My counselor taught me four concepts that he explained form the
core
of all good parenting - whether single or two parent. He told me
to be
sure I was fair, honest, and loving with my children, and that I
disciplined them when necessary. He made it sound simple - as long
as I adhered to these guidelines, I would be a good mother - single
or
otherwise.
Of course as my children grew from the childhood stage to the pre-
teen and teen years, things were not as easy as he made it sound.
But
those four words - fairness, honesty, loving and discipline have
helped
immeasurably over the years. Whenever I was unsure of what I was
doing - sometimes a daily occurrence - I always had those parenting
concepts to fall back on.
My daughter is now 17, my son almost 12. I have learned that
parenting styles evolve as children grow older, but fairness, honesty,
love and discipline are needed just as much during the teenage years
as they are during earlier development. By trial and error, my
children, as well as myself, have come to learn that fairness isn't
the
same as equality. That honesty is a treasured family value and the
building block that supports all relationships; it must be adhered
to by
both parent and teen. That all family problems can be solved when
they are approached with love. And that all actions have
consequences, and discipline - whether it is adding something on
(like extra chores) or taking something away (like computer or phone
privileges), teaches the importance of accountability, both in the
present and the future.
There are days when single-parenting my teen and pre-teen feels
akin
to balancing the weight of the world on my shoulders, I keep my
perspective by remembering that all parents, whether single or
married, feel this way at times. The four concepts - fairness, honesty,
love and discipline can help in any parenting situation. And it's
never
too late to start using them.
~*~
Marylou Morano Kjelle is a freelance
writer and newspaper reporter
who lives and works in Central New Jersey. She is the author of
"Sometimes I Wish My Mom Was Two People", a picture book
written for pre-schoolers and elementary age children who live in
single parent families. She has also written "Handmaid of the
Lord:
Prayers for Newly Single Christian Mothers" and is finishing
an as yet
untitled book for teens that discusses every aspect of divorce.
Coming
soon is a free ezine for Single Christian Mothers called "Gabriel's
Message". You can contact Marylou at marmorano with
"singular" in the subject line. Visit her website at:
www.mmoranokjelle.com
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BOOK-OF-THE-MONTH
"The Hand That Rocks the Cradle
Rules!"
Recognizing the Spiritual Power of Motherhood
By Patricia Chadwick
Today's world does not respect motherhood.
In days gone by a
mother's role and position were given high esteem, but today
motherhood is passed off as just another duty of the modern, many
faceted woman. In our culture if a woman wants to feel like she
has
accomplished something with her life, she needs to look outside
the
family.
In "The Hand That Rocks the Cradle
Rules!" I'm here to tell you,
moms, that your role is so very important. Don't ever be persuaded
otherwise. No one will ever love your child as you do. No one will
ever watch over them like you do. No one will ever pray for them
like
you do. No one will nurture them like you do. Your role as a mother
is God-given and it is powerful.
Right now this book is available in
ebook format only and is just about
ready for publication. For a limited time you can purchase it at
the
pre-sale price of only $2.95. To purchase use our special order
form
at: https://www.pcpublications.org/pt/specialbookorder.html
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TEEN FRIENDLY RECIPES
Orangy-Banana Smoothie
Prep: 5 min
1 cup BREAKSTONE'S or KNUDSEN Low Fat Cottage Cheese
1/2 cup milk
1 medium banana, peeled, cut into chunks
3 Tbsp. orange marmalade
1 cup ice cubes
Place all ingredients in blender container; cover.
Blend until smooth.
Makes 3 (one cup) servings
Great Substitute:
Substitute strawberry preserves for orange marmalade.
Nutritional Info Per Serving: Calories 170, Total fat 2.5 g,
Saturated fat 1.5 g, Cholesterol 15.0 mg, Sodium 290.0 mg,
Carbohydrate 28.0 g, Dietary fiber 1.0 g, Sugars 17.0 g,
Protein 10.0 g
Diet Exchange: 1 Fruit, 1 Carbohydrate,
1 Meat
This recipe created by Kraft Foods.
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HOMEBODIES COLUMN
MOMMIES ON THE WEB
Homebodies
By Cheryl Gochnauer
Cheryl
Copyright 2002
If you're only using your computer to help your kids with their
school
work, you're missing out on one of the greatest support systems
available to stay-at-home moms - a worldwide network of likeminded
parents.
Isolation can be a big problem for SAHMs, especially those who live
in small towns or out in the country. Surrounding yourself with
friendly moms, however, can be as easy as logging onto the Internet.
Thousands of women visit the Homebodies website
(www.homebodies.org) each week, and many of them are headed for
the message boards. There, our Homebuddies exchange frustrations
and successes, encouraging and empowering each other with been-
there, done-that advice. Although the website offers columns, links
and other resources for SAHMs, the message boards truly reflect
the
heart of the site.
So what IS a message board? I compare it to a regular bulletin board
you pass in a hallway. On the physical bulletin board, someone can
pin up a piece of paper, telling what they need. The next person
coming down the hall can read what the first wrote, then keep on
going. Or they can write their own message on that piece of paper
for
everyone, including the original writer, to see.
Everyone walking down that hall benefits from reading the advice
shared, and has the opportunity to share their own thoughts, too.
That
is what a message board is like, except you type your message on
a
special web page and post it on a virtual board.
For instance, you can access the Homebodies message boards by going
to www.homebodies.org, then clicking on "HB Discussion".
You will
be given a choice of different message boards you can access, like
"Finances", "Education", "Pregnancy"
or "General Discussion" (the
most popular board). Click on one of these links and a string of
messages will scroll down the page. You can read and/or respond
to
these postings anytime, day or night.
The great thing about the Internet is that it really is a Worldwide
Web.
On any given day, Homebodies may have visitors from the United
States, Canada, Australia, Japan, France or Zimbabwe. The next day,
we may hear from Sweden, South Africa and Sri Lanka. It's eye-
opening to see that no matter where we live, all parents share similar
concerns and hopes for their children.
I've pulled together some comments that past visitors have posted,
to
give you an idea of what's going on at Homebodies, where owners
Mat and Regi Casner have done their best to provide a safe atmosphere
for you.
"I wanted to say thanks to everyone! I was just re-reading
the replies
you all sent to me awhile back (re: life w/a toddler). I wanted
to let you
know how much I appreciated your input and support. It's nice to
know I'm in such good company as a SAHM! This board is one place
I know I can come to and feel validated as a full time mom, in a
society that doesn't always recognize the hard work we do each and
everyday. You all are GREAT!"
"I am still adjusting to my new lifestyle, but I can say that
I truly feel
that this is the right decision. I plan on reading these boards
daily, and
I would love a few ideas from experienced SAHMs."
"I am one of the working moms trying to get home on this board.
I
have gotten wonderful advice, tons of laughter, tears, kindness
(and
some much needed reality checks) on this board from SAHM's,
WAHM's and other working moms. I truly feel part of this loving
family. You will see that we all have different personalities and
views,
but we share a common bond - we love our families and want what's
right for them."
"Gracias. Thank you. Merci. Danke. I just wanted to thank you
all
for all your support and love and guidance over the past months.
As
you know, I do this periodically so that you all remember how special
you are and that you also remember that SAHM's ROCK! I just want
you to know that I appreciate that you put up with all my wackiness
and opinionatedness (I think I just made that word up but it sounds
about right). I want you to close your eyes (not right now - keep
reading) spread your arms out really wide and wrap them around
yourself and squeeze - that's a hug from me... ."
There's no need to feel alone, Mom. Come meet some new
Homebuddies at www.homebodies.org.
*****
"Mommies on the Web" is
excerpted from Cheryl's latest book, "Stay-
at-Home Handbook: Advice on Parenting, Finances, Career, Surviving
Each Day & More" (InterVarsity Press, 2002). For order
information,
visit http://www.homebodies.org/bookstore/orderSAHH.htm or write
Cheryl
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FROM OUR READERS
This section is intended for Parents
& Teens Readers to help each
other through tough times and issues. It's advice from those who
have
been there. Take what you can and leave the rest. Parents &
Teens is
not written by professionals and is not meant to offer professional
advice.
LAST WEEK'S QUESTION
Patti: Do you offer any help for parents
with troubled teens? I am
talking serious problems: sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.
Donna
READER'S RESPONSE
There is a wonderful list at yahoo
called Parents Helping Parents. Go
to yahoo groups and check it out. Currently all the members there
are
women, but as far as I know, dads can join, too. The woman who
started this group has been through the problems of drugs and teens
and a lot of things and can offer wonderful support and advice.
Actually, all the ladies there are
very helpful and supportive. Here is
the URL for the site....
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/parents_helping_parents
I hope this helps :O)
Mary, in Japan of all places!
~*~
Hi Donna, and all the other parents
here!
I am Mary, mom of 4 boys, married to a Japanese and living in Japan
for the past 16 years. My oldest son is 18, my second son is 16,
my
third son is 15, and the youngest is 11.
I wanted to recommend a site where
you can get help with kids who
have SERIOUS problems, as well as not so serious ones, and in a
confidential manner, if you need it. The site is called Parents
Helping
Parents and the list moderator is a mom to 6 kids, two of them don't
live at home now and she has gone through the struggles of dealing
with drugs, etc.
This group is special. The members
are not judgmental. They are
warm and supportive and extremely helpful. Here is the URL for
interested parents (or guardians or step-parents or grandparents):
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/parents_helping_parents
It is not a Christian list, but many
members (not all of them, though)
are Christian.There is another place where you can go for prayer
support, too. That list is an inter-faith, non-denominational, non-
sectarian site.Here is the URL for interested parties:
http://www.smartgroups.com/groups/peoplewhopray
If you are a mom of 4 or more children,
another place is
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/lotsofkids
I hope that this information can help.
Love and blessings,
Mary
THIS WEEK'S QUESTION
Do you have any experience or knowledge
of mothers with teens and
the effect it has for the mother to quit work to stay home with
teens?
I'm in a blended family and at first the plan was for me to quit
working
2years after we married (almost 11 years ago), our kids were small
and
I saw the need to be there to run interference for the kids, between
the
kids, between the kids and the grandparents and ex-grandparents,
but
somewhere along the line it was decided I needed to keep working.
Big mistake, bigger regrets.
Because of the stress of the 7 kids
we had put together, the in-laws and
The ex-inlaws, I was very happy to have a job to go to every day,
even
Though that added even more stress. At the present time, we are
deeply in debt (my husband has always felt it to be his responsibility
to
handle the bills, but he also won't quit spending when there's no
money
to spend. and then I felt cheated and on it went.)
Currently 2 of our 7 children have
married and moved away, the oldest
(21) has returned home (hardly ever at home) and we have one 17
yr
old girl, works 2hrs a day and pays her own insurance and gas, two
16
yr olds-1 boy, 1 girl-not twins who are both taking drivers ed and
one
13 yr old. The 3 older ones are in public school. My youngest didn't
do
well in public school (he went for 6th grade, up to that point all
the
kids were in private school) and so is now homeschooling for this
year
and hoping to go back to private school (very small) next year.
I have always worked a full time job
(so my kids wouldn't be deprived
Since my husbands kids get to much from mother and grandparents
and to provide for there basics), but as of last October I picked
up a
part time job as well, also away from home. It started out to be
just for
Christmas money, because there wasn't any and then I have 2 trips
coming up with family, one in June of this year and one in Feb or
March of next year which I really do feel are
necessary. So I'm still working part time as well, 10-15 hrs a week
on
top of 40 regular hours. I also thought the extra money would help
my
mom some who is on a limited income and do some extra things that
aren't getting done.
But nothing seems to work out the
way I plan or need it to. I'm totally
tired of working everywhere and all I want to do is sleep. I'm almost
45 now and have health problems as well, I don't sleep well, I'm
often
depressed and I have no motivation at all. My house is a mess, the
kids are selfish and lazy, and my husband is no help at all. All
this
besides commitments with church. My priorities are all mixed up
and I
can't see how to get them back in order. And I know I'm losing ground
every day.
I'm at my wits end, do you have any suggestions?
Sincerely,
Cyndi
~*~
Can you help this reader? Send your
advice to
info with READER RESPONSE in the subject
line.
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ENCOURAGEMENT
Dear Patti,
Please let your readers know that their responses to my question
were
just the encouragement and support that I needed. Thank you so much!
Ellen in PA (mean voice question)
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connecting with their teens.
The content of this newsletter is
copyrighted by Patricia Chadwick
(c) 2003, unless indicated otherwise. All rights reserved worldwide.
Reprint only with permission from copyright holder(s).
Permission is granted to distribute
the contents of this newsletter for
personal use as long as credit is given with a link to our page
at
http://www.beyoncesource.com and the entire newsletter is included.
Most articles are available for free reprint in your newsletter.
Email
patti for details.
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to talk to a real, live person!
Thanks!
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